i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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