he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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