i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
