PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
