We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize