When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
