I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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