You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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