Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
