Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
