I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
