So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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