My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
