Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize