Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize