you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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