shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
