so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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