what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
