She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
