He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize