i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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