I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My feet surprised me
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