Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
