I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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