No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
