so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize