Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
