girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
