can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
