I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
be right there i have to get my cape
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
