i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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