4 words: hood of his car
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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