Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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