For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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