So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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