I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
