My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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