Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
