Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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