How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
