If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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