i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
