i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
