why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
