smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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