Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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