I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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