Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
