wrigley field is MILF paradise
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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