wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I looked at my own cervix.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
