she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize