Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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