I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
