I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
