Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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