In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
