You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
