They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
