Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
