This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
