I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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