"it" just moved
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
