:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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