She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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