No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
