im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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