So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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