i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
