my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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