and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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