idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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